Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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