Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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