oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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