he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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