just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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