No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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