she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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