At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize