She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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