Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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