just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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