She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize