He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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