My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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