Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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