I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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