i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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