woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize