my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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