Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize