Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize