____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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