I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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