somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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