Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize