Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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