It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize