my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize