I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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