I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You made out with two different species that night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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