I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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