I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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