operation have a gay friend backfired
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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