I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
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YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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