I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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