alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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