i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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