you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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