Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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