So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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