i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You ruined the universe
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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