just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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