You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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