i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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