I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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