I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize