Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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