Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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