my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i've created a new STD.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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