My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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